The Truth About Trust

We live in scary times. Watching all that is happening around us makes us want to keep ourselves and our loved ones protected and safe. Be it with people, organisations or agencies, we are largely living in distrust. Each one of us would have heard stories of personal betrayals, or people duped financially by scamsters, or even at a professional level in workplace politics.

I remember when I was younger, when my close ones would warn me with people, or what could go wrong, I would ask, “Why would anyone do that to me?” and I continued to lay trust, thinking if I was kind and nice, people would have no reason to let me down. Well, I was naive, I surely was in for surprises and setbacks. I was hurt, deeply by some experiences, however I continued to trust people, a little less though, and with a more filtered approach, continuing to believe in the goodness of humans. But I will not deny accepting that I did become wary of the essentially good traits like compassion, sympathy, sensitivity and kindness, and I became a little more picky about people. I looked at everything with a suspicious eye- searching for red flags, or something that would even slightly hint at some hidden agenda or cunningness. Unfortunate scenario, but I am stating just how distrust begins setting in, making you question everything good that someone does to you.

I would think why people play us, and could only say that the world is filled with people of different mental makeups. And the times we live in, greed, power, jealously, ego, lust, playfulness and insensitivity overpowers the sense of integrity, honesty, loyalty and compassion. So they easily betray without any realisation, nor a sense of remorse or even feeling they wronged someone. As a result people go through traumatic experiences – they lose money, respect, their societal image – and above all, their peace of mind, positivity, self-esteem, confidence, mental health and the ability to trust.

There is, in fact a phobia of getting hurt by someone – Pistanthrophobia – the fear of trusting people that results in making the sufferer play cautious by avoiding triggering people, situations or events. But as much as the threats seem real, often times they are only impressions from past negative experiences, so understandably, the sufferer exercises a guarded, preventive mechanism. We need to overcome this fear of trusting people and its consequences, so as to resume a healthy self-esteem, and going forward, to be able to form successful connections or relationships that are not affected by past experiences.

Sadly, there are no clearly laid guidelines that can safeguard you or your interests. This is a vast grey area. Rebuilding trust is hard, because your heart has been hurt, your feelings let down, and now you think through your head. I remember myself thinking I do not want any more new people in my life. It took a while for me, but I managed to walk past that trauma. With my unending urge to stay positive and the bent to be happy at all times, I chose to forgive people rather than allowing them to occupy space in my mind. Also with self belief, I encouraged myself to venture into people as I met them in my journey, just without seeking any support, with no dependency on anyone for my happiness and by setting boundaries. I took a leap of faith, continuing to believe that people are mostly good.

So all I want to point is that yes, times have changed, things are different, life does get challenging, while we live it we must try and find ways out, trust and believe in ourselves and our choices, and that good people still exist, just how we think we are good. So also, we must give back to others in meaningful ways , be someone who listens and lends an ear ’cause people are broken, some more some less, everyone needs someone – be that someone!