Nothing Lasts Forever

Nothing lasts forever….alas. This is meant to be. There’s no way this could go wrong. Everything is perfect. But it’s not. It’s all in my head. I don’t know that yet. So, I trust…blindly. There’s a crack in that wall now, a big one. I’m ready to overlook it, work my way past this. Because I don’t want to give up on what we have. It’s pure and sacred. I work on it. You do too. I’m important to you. That makes me happy. Another crack. I overlook it again. It’s all good. We’re moving on, knitting a tight knot, entangled in each others’ hearts. At least you are in mine, I don’t know if I’m in yours. I tell myself I am, it’s an equal investment from both sides. It isn’t. I am lying, to myself. It’s comforting. We go on from one thing to the other. I start to think we’re invincible. We aren’t. Things are changing. I can feel it. You tell me it’s nothing. I try to believe you. I can’t convince myself. I ask you if you’re okay. You say you’re, but something doesn’t fit. I realize it’s not meant to be. People win. Nothing lasts forever. And then I pulled back, step by step, gradually. Every step hurt. I let the pain seep in, reminding myself that our bond is still there….just within reach yet. That thought gives me undefinable comfort. I know you’re there. I move another step back. You are fine. You don’t know the toll it’s taking on me. You can never know, and you never will. A part of me always knew, but I ignored the indifference. Because, it’s beautiful, beautiful enough to be foolish to believe. So I believed, like a fool. And you played, as you always do. It all worked out well. Because you can’t help being who you are, I could but I didn’t. I stopped talking to you about some things because they matter….so much. And I know you aren’t bothered enough to care. And that feels wrong. I move further back. You’re there still. So am I. Except, there’s so much left unsaid. There’s a bridge to you now, that I cannot cross. I don’t have the energy. I still try….only barely. Because I promised to be there. I try to make sure you’re okay. You are and I smile. No one is there to make sure I am okay. I’m not. You’re not within reach now. I feel a heavy burden placed somewhere on top of my heart. I feel suffocated, I turn away, with nothing left to hold onto. You reach out for me, but I’m no longer there. I hear an echo, and I respond from miles away. I don’t know how to reach you anymore. I don’t know if you know that. I hope you do. This hurts. It is the deepest scar on my heart today. I still speak highly of you. I don’t know if you remember me now. I hope you do!

ERIC WARD